The following is a transcript from the Coast to Beach AM show. In this episode, Artty Belly is interviewing Eddie Taylor, a man who claims to have been abducted by aliens.
Belly: Hello America! This is the Coast to Beach show and as always, I am here to give you the truth. Here with us today is notable Field Researcher and UFOlogist Eddie Taylor. According to Eddie, he was recently abducted by aliens, who... Well, I'll allow him to tell the story himself.
Taylor: Well, it all started back in the early nineties. I was a young man back than, and had my whole life in front of me. But I dropped out of college in order to find the truth about alien visitations to our planet.
Belly: What happened next?
T: Well, for many years I couldn't find the proof I was looking for. I knew there were too many stories that matched each other perfectly for them to be random drivel, but I had no proof. So I gave up the alien hunting bit, and started consulting for Hollywood movies. I was the guy who drew the first concept pictures of the space cubes in The Day the Earth Stood Almost Still, for example. Eventually I saved enough to get my own place... And I build an AOD.
B: An AOD?
T: An Alien Observation Deck. Every night, I stood on it and looked through the telescope, trying to find some sort of sign of aliens. But I never did... Until I realized that I could signal to them by shining a light through my telescope.
B: Amazing! Did it work?
T: It did! One dark night, I saw a strange object flying through the air.
I could barely believe it. After all those years, I finally found aliens! But then, to my frustration, I lost the object as it flew right past me, perhaps a mile up in the air.
I was sorely dissapointed and about to leave my AOD and go home when I was suddenly blinded by a flash of light.
The next thing I remember is falling out of the sky and landing on the ground. I had traces of memories, of nasty green humanoid creatures with strange instruments and a strange toob hooked up to a stranger machine. That's all I remember.
B: Well, there you have it, folks--Eddie was abducted by aliens, and--
T: Just a minute! There's more! You see, as I returned to my normal routine, I noticed something strange. I was exhibiting the symptoms of a pregnancy!
The aliens had somehow imbued fetuses into my body, and after the normal human gestation period, I gave birth to...
B: Gave birth?! How?
T: You don't want to know.
In any case, I gave birth to two alien girls. Only they were not completely alien; they had some human features. I can only theorize that in order to cause my body to accept the pregnancy, the babies had to be imbued with human DNA. But the twins were more then aliens--they were my daughters.
They have been named Edda and Elly, and have both grown up to be beautiful toddlers.
I am worried, though. Why have the aliens chosen to implant me with their half-kin? Once the girls are old enough to be left alone, I will go and signal the aliens again. Perhaps this time, they will explain things in a more reasonable way.
That's it for the aliens! Tune in soon for some vampiric action (and not wimpy Twilight vampires. I'm talking real horror-movie stuff!)